I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He felt like a one man threesome
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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