Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
