i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
