he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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