Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
