I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
