Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
