I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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