A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
