You just made me feel so damn special
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
wow bdsm is so cute
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