Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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