I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
