i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
