I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
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I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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