last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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