Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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