You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
