GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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