You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just had sex bonerless
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
