Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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