Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
