I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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