overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
