You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
