I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
