did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
