I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
