Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
