Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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