If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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