Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(785): View more from Kansas

a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class

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(289): View more from Ontario

i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.

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(516): View more from New York

the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone

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(907): View more from Alaska

Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.

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(678): View more from Georgia

It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.

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(914): View more from New York

Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here

(1-914): View more from New York

Quit calling your parents your roomates

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