My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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