Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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