You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
