he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
