he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize