Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
