you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
