and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
