Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
