idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
