If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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