She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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