Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
