we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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