Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
