well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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