Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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