Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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