I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
