Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
