We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
