he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
