no more duck duck goose at the bar
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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