Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
