textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
