This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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