just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
