My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
