to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
