Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
