im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
