I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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