When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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