I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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