roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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