jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
