i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
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You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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