I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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