i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
