I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
