You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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