We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
