Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
