go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
