I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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