I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
