I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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