Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I love you. Go after that dick
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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