I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
